Here you will find resources and references made in our podcasts.
Resources: What is Peace
Don recommends this book by Richard Rohr. Notice Rohr’s treatment of the first and second half of our lives.
Resources: Unlocking Adult Development for a Peaceful Life
David recommends this book.
This adult development framework, proposed by developmental psychologist Robert Kegan and discussed in this podcast, outlines three stages of cognitive development in adulthood.
Socialized Mind
Individuals in this stage rely heavily on external sources of authority and validation. They may conform to societal expectations and avoid challenging established norms. Examples are adhering strictly to parental or religious beliefs, following a traditional career path, or prioritizing social approval.
Self-Authoring Mind
Individuals in this stage develop a sense of autonomy and begin to question external authorities. They construct their own beliefs and values, based on personal experiences and reflection. Examples are challenging societal norms, exploring different belief systems, or pursuing unconventional career paths.
Self-Transforming Mind
Individuals in this stage are capable of self-reflection and critical analysis. They can transcend their own perspectives and consider multiple viewpoints. Examples are engaging in philosophical inquiry, exploring spiritual practices, or working towards social change.
It’s important to note that these stages are not necessarily linear and individuals may move back and forth between them throughout their lives. Kegan’s framework provides a helpful way to understand the evolving nature of adult development and the ways in which individuals develop their sense of self and their relationship to the world.
Resources: Understanding Your Conflict Style
When faced with conflict, people often adopt different styles to manage the situation. Here are four common conflict styles:
Assertiveness: This style involves expressing your needs, wants, and boundaries directly and respectfully. Assertive individuals are able to communicate their feelings and opinions without being aggressive or passive.
Cooperation: This style focuses on finding mutually beneficial solutions to conflicts. Cooperative individuals are willing to compromise and work with others to achieve a win-win outcome.
Concern for Self: This style prioritizes personal needs and desires over the needs of others. Individuals who adopt this style may be more likely to use aggressive or competitive tactics.
Concern for Others: This style focuses on the needs and desires of others. Individuals who adopt this style may be more likely to be passive or avoid conflict altogether.
Understanding these different styles can help you identify your own approach to conflict and develop more effective communication strategies.
Resources: Understanding and Managing Burnout
Are you “burned out”? Here are some of the major signs you may be experiencing.
Emotional Exhaustion
- Feeling emotionally drained or empty
- Experiencing a lack of motivation or enthusiasm
- Feeling irritable or impatient
Physical Exhaustion:
- Fatigue and tiredness, even after adequate sleep
- Frequent illness or physical ailments
- Changes in appetite or sleep patterns
Mental Exhaustion
- Difficulty concentrating or focusing
- Feeling overwhelmed or helpless
- Experiencing a sense of detachment or disengagement
Behavioral Changes
- Increased cynicism or negativity
- Decreased job satisfaction
- Increased errors or mistakes at work
- Difficulty making decisions
If you’re experiencing these symptoms, it’s important to take steps to address burnout before it escalates.
Resources: The Self-Inflicted Misery of Taking Offense
Taking Offense as a Self-Made Prison
When we take offense, we create a mental prison that limits our freedom and happiness. This prison is often self-imposed, based on our own interpretations and reactions to perceived slights or insults.
What Taking Offense Can Do
- The prison: This represents the mental state of taking offense. The bars symbolize the limitations and restrictions imposed by negative emotions and self-limiting beliefs.
- Expectations: These are the unrealistic or rigid standards we set for ourselves or others. When these expectations are not met, we may feel offended.
- Ego: Our ego can be fragile and easily bruised. When it feels threatened or attacked, we may react defensively and take offense.
- Fear: Fear of rejection, embarrassment, or inadequacy can lead us to take offense.
- Outside the prison: This represents a state of freedom and happiness, where we are not limited by negative emotions or self-imposed restrictions.
Breaking Free:
To break free from the prison of taking offense, we must:
- Challenge our expectations: Recognize that expectations can be unrealistic and harmful.
- Build self-esteem: Develop a strong sense of self-worth and resilience.
- Manage our emotions: Learn healthy coping mechanisms for dealing with negative emotions.
- Practice empathy: Try to understand the other person’s perspective and avoid taking things personally.
By understanding the concept of taking offense as a self-made prison and implementing these strategies, we can break free from its limitations and experience greater freedom, happiness, and fulfillment.
Resources: The Dreaded Drama Triangle
These folks are THE experts on the Dreaded Drama Triangle and its solution, The Empowerment Dynamic.
https://theempowermentdynamic.com/
Resources: The Art of Unlocking Inner Happiness
In this podcast, David references Elbert Hubbard. Here are some of his better known quotes.
Elbert Hubbard (Writer, 1856-1915)
“The greatest mistake you can make in life is continually fearing that you’ll make one.”
“Dreams can come true, but there is a secret. They’re realized through the magic of persistence, determination, commitment, passion, practice, focus and hard work. They happen a step at a time, manifested over years, not weeks.”
“Love grows by giving. The love we give away is the only love we keep. The only way to retain love is to give it away.”
“To avoid criticism, do nothing, say nothing and be nothing.”
“Many people fail in life, not for lack of ability or brains or even courage but simply because they have never organized their energies around a goal.”
“Self-discipline is the ability to make yourself do what you should do, when you should do it, whether you feel like it or not.”
“Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive.”
“Never explain – your friends do not need it and your enemies will not believe you anyway.”
“The recipe for perpetual ignorance is: Be satisfied with your opinions and content with your knowledge.”
“The more one knows, the more one simplifies.”
“He who does not understand your silence will probably not understand your words.”
“Happiness is a habit—cultivate it.”
So what is the “habit “ of happiness?
Happiness is a complex emotion that can be influenced by various factors, including:
- Positive emotions: Feelings of joy, contentment, and satisfaction.
- Relationships: Strong and supportive relationships with friends, family, and loved ones.
- Meaningful activities: Engaging in activities that are personally fulfilling and meaningful.
- Well-being: Physical and mental health, as well as a sense of overall well-being.
- Gratitude: Appreciating the positive aspects of life and expressing gratitude.
It’s important to note that happiness is not a constant state. It’s a journey that involves ups and downs. By focusing on positive emotions, building strong relationships, and engaging in meaningful activities, you can increase your overall sense of happiness and well-being.
Resources: Spiral of Silence
In today’s podcast, Don says his wife Christy reminds him to “ask more questions”. Here’s why this is important.
- Deepening Understanding: Questions help you delve deeper into topics, gaining a more comprehensive and nuanced understanding.
- Stimulating Thought: By asking questions, you encourage yourself and others to think critically and creatively.
- Building Relationships: Questions can foster open communication and stronger connections with others.
- Learning and Growth: Asking questions is a fundamental way to learn new things and expand your knowledge.
- Problem-Solving: Questions can help you identify problems, explore solutions, and make informed decisions.
In essence, asking more questions is a powerful tool for personal and professional growth. It can lead to greater clarity, understanding, and success.
Resources: A Guide to Handling Opinionated People
An opinion is a personal belief or judgment formed about something. It is often based on individual experiences, values, or perceptions. Here are some key characteristics of opinions:
- Subjective: Opinions are influenced by personal biases and experiences.
- Not necessarily factual: They may or may not be supported by evidence or facts.
- Open to debate: Opinions can be discussed, argued, and challenged.
- Can change: Opinions can evolve over time as individuals learn and grow.
In contrast to facts, which are objective and verifiable statements, opinions are subjective and open to interpretation.
Resources: Practical Techniques for Peaceful Relationships with Julie Kellogg
In this podcast, Julie refers to an “Enneagram”. The Enneagram is a personality typing system that categorizes individuals into nine distinct personality types. Each type is associated with a specific set of motivations, fears, and coping mechanisms.
The Enneagram is often used to understand oneself and others better, identify personal strengths and weaknesses, and improve relationships. It can also be helpful for personal growth and development.
Here are the nine Enneagram types:
The Reformer (Type 1): Known for their perfectionism and desire for order. They often strive for ethical and moral excellence.
The Helper (Type 2): Caring and nurturing, they are driven by a desire to be loved and appreciated.
The Achiever (Type 3): Success-oriented and goal-driven, they often strive for recognition and admiration.
The Romantic (Type 4): Sensitive and introspective, they seek authenticity and emotional connection.
The Investigator (Type 5): Intellectual and curious, they value knowledge and understanding.
The Loyalist (Type 6): Supportive and dependable, they crave security and stability.
The Enthusiast (Type 7): Optimistic and energetic, they seek pleasure and avoid pain.
The Challenger (Type 8): Assertive and powerful, they value strength and control.
The Peacemaker (Type 9): Harmonious and easygoing, they seek peace and avoid conflict.
Here are a few reliable online resources where you can take an Enneagram assessment:
- The Enneagram Institute: https://www.enneagrahttp://www.enneagraminstitute.comminstitute.com/
- The Enneagram Company: https://theenneagraminbusiness.com/
- The Enneagram Personality Type: https://www.enneagraminstitute.com/type-descriptions/
Please note: While these assessments can provide valuable insights, it’s important to remember that they are self-report tools. For a more comprehensive understanding of your Enneagram type, you may want to consider consulting with a trained Enneagram professional.
Resources: Understanding Therapy – Insights from Julie Kellogg
Models of Therapy
What is commonly known as talk therapy incorporates various theoretical approaches to address the unique dynamics within relationships. Here are some prominent models from marriage and family therapy, some of which Julie discusses.
Systems Theory focuses on the family as a system examining how individuals interact with each other and influence the overall functioning of the family unit. Much of modern therapy is based on this assumption.
- Circular causality: Emphasizes that problems are not caused by a single individual but arise from the interactions within the system.
- Homeostasis: Explores how families maintain stability and resist change.
Structural Family Therapy
Focuses on the structure of the family examining the roles, boundaries, and hierarchies within the family system.
- Enactment: Uses role-playing to observe and intervene in family interactions.
- Reframing: Helps family members see situations from different perspectives.
Strategic Family Therapy
Focuses on changing family patterns using specific techniques to disrupt dysfunctional behaviors and encourage new ways of interacting.
- Paradoxes: Uses paradoxical directives to challenge family members’ resistance to change.
- Joining: The therapist becomes a part of the family system to observe and intervene.
Experiential Family Therapy
Focuses on emotional expression and experiencing encouraging family members to express their feelings and emotions openly.
- Intensive family therapy: Uses intensive, short-term interventions to address specific issues.
- Family sculpting: A technique where family members physically position themselves to represent their relationships and dynamics.
Solution-Focused Brief Therapy
Focuses on solutions rather than problems by helping families identify and implement solutions to their challenges.
- Miracle question: Asks clients to imagine a future where their problems are solved.
- Scaling questions: Helps clients measure their progress and identify small steps towards change.
These are just a few examples of the many models of marriage and family therapy. The specific approach used will depend on the therapist’s training, the family’s needs, and the presenting issues.
There are also different types of talk therapists. Talk therapists, also known as psychotherapists or counselors, are mental health professionals who specialize in helping individuals address emotional, psychological, and behavioral issues.
Psychologists
- Clinical psychologists: Diagnose and treat mental health conditions.
- Counseling psychologists: Focus on helping individuals with personal and interpersonal issues.
Psychiatrists
- Medical doctors who specialize in mental health: Can prescribe medication in addition to therapy.
Social Workers
- Licensed clinical social workers (LCSWs): Provide therapy and social services to individuals and families.
Marriage and Family Therapists
- Specialize in helping couples and families address relationship issues.
Licensed Professional Counselors
- Qualified to provide a wide range of therapeutic services, including individual, couples, and family therapy, as well as counseling for children and adolescents.
Resources: Peace Assertiveness
Peaceful Assertiveness is the ability to communicate your needs, wants, and boundaries in a clear, direct, and respectful manner without resorting to aggression or passivity. It’s about finding a balance between being too forceful and too submissive.
Here are some key characteristics of peaceful assertiveness:
- Direct communication: Clearly expressing your thoughts and feelings.
- Respectful tone: Using a calm and respectful tone of voice.
- Active listening: Paying attention to the other person’s perspective.
- Empathy: Understanding and acknowledging the other person’s feelings.
- Setting boundaries: Clearly defining your limits and expectations.
- Problem-solving: Working together to find mutually beneficial solutions.
Peaceful assertiveness is a valuable skill that can improve your relationships, reduce stress, and boost your self-esteem.
Resources: Mastering Flow, Engagement, and Transcendence for a Fulfilled Life
The psychology of flow is a mental state of complete immersion and focus in an activity, also known as being in the zone. It’s characterized by a feeling of energized focus, full involvement, and enjoyment.
Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, a pioneering psychologist, is known as the “father of flow” for his research on this phenomenon. He concluded that people are most creative, productive, and happy when in a state of flow.
Some characteristics of a flow state include:
- Cognitive focus: Intense attention on the task at hand
- Intrinsic motivation: Motivates people to continue doing what they are doing
- Absence of self-consciousness: Merging action and awareness
- Distorted sense of time: Time seems to pass very quickly
Some examples of flow include:
- A graphic artist creating a website illustration or logo
- A writer completing a 2000-word scene in an hour
- A musician composing a song while commuting to work on a subway
- A skier navigating a challenging downhill course
To maintain a state of flow, people need to keep seeking new challenges and information.
Resources: Living in Isolation
One source for discovering social groups in your area: https://www.meetup.com/
Resources: Harmonizing Polarities
Navigating Polarities
- Recognize the polarity: Identify the two opposing sides of the tension.
- Understand the benefits of each: Acknowledge the value and contributions of both polarities.
- Seek integration: Look for ways to combine the best aspects of both polarities.
- Avoid extremes: Strive for balance and avoid leaning too heavily towards one side.
Be flexible: Be willing to adjust your approach as circumstances change.
Resources: Finding Peace in Pain, The Sherry Oxford Story
After listening to Sherry, you too might want to consider creating your own certified wildlife habitat. Here’s a link to the National Wildlife Federation that can help you do that.
The Serenity Prayer
God, grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change
the courage to change the things I can
and the wisdom to know the difference.
Living one day at a time,
enjoying one moment at a time.
Accepting hardships as the parthway to peace.
Taking, as he did, the sinful world as it is,
not as I would have it.
Trusting that he will make all things right
if I surrender to His will;
that I may be reasonably happy in this life,
and supremely happy with Him forever.
—Reinhold Niebuhr, 1892-1971
Resources: Finding Peace in a Social Media Driven World
This week’s podcast suggests turning off notifications, or at least some notifications, on your phone. There are many different types and models so the following may not work for everyone, but it should work for most iPhones.
- Go to Settings: Open the Settings app on your iPhone.
- Tap Notifications: Find and select the “Notifications” option.
- Choose an app: Select the specific app for which you want to adjust notifications.
- Customize notifications: You can customize notifications in various ways:
- Allow Notifications: Toggle this switch to turn notifications on or off for the app.
- Notification Center: Choose whether to display notifications in the Notification Center.
- Lock Screen: Decide if notifications should appear on your lock screen.
- Sounds and Haptics: Select the sound or vibration pattern for notifications.
- Badges: Enable or disable app badges that show the number of unread notifications.
- Priority: Set the app’s notification priority (high, standard, or low).
To turn off notifications for all apps at once:
- Go to Settings > Notifications.
- Scroll down to the bottom and tap Do Not Disturb.
- Toggle on Do Not Disturb.
This will silence all notifications unless you’ve set specific exceptions.
Resources: Find Peace, Walk in Nature
Two books by Henry David Thoreau
Preparing for a Hike: Essential Checklist
1. Research and Plan:
Choose a suitable trail: Consider your fitness level, experience, and the length and difficulty of the hike.
Check weather conditions: Be aware of potential hazards like rain, snow, or extreme temperatures.
Inform someone of your plans: Let a friend or family member know where you’re going and when you expect to return.
2. Pack Essential Gear:
Appropriate clothing: Dress in layers to adjust to changing weather conditions.
Sturdy footwear: Hiking boots or trail runners provide necessary support and protection. Also, be sure to “break in” new shoes or boots before the hike. I’ve a great but sad story about this one.
Food and water: Bring enough sustenance for your entire hike, including snacks and plenty of water.
First aid kit: A basic first aid kit can be essential for treating minor injuries.
Navigation tools: A map, compass, or GPS device can help you stay on track. Alltrails.com contains a good app, but there are a number of other GPS based apps.
Sun protection: Wear sunscreen, a hat, and sunglasses to protect yourself from the sun.
3. Check Your Physical Readiness:
Assess your fitness level: Ensure you’re physically prepared for the hike you’ve chosen.
Train if necessary: Gradually increase your endurance and strength through regular exercise.
4. Consider Safety Precautions:
Be aware of wildlife: Research local wildlife and take necessary precautions to avoid encounters.
Respect nature: Leave no trace by packing out all your trash and avoiding disturbing wildlife.
Know your limits: Listen to your body and avoid pushing yourself beyond your capabilities.
Resources: Exploring the Four Stages of Personal Growth
- Simplicity: This initial stage represents a foundational understanding of oneself and the world. It’s a time of clarity and simplicity, where basic needs and values are prioritized.
- Complexity: As individuals grow and experience life’s challenges, they encounter a more complex understanding of themselves and the world. This stage involves grappling with diverse perspectives, emotions, and experiences.
- Perplexity: This stage may arise as individuals confront contradictions, uncertainties, or doubts in their beliefs or values. It’s a time of questioning and searching for deeper meaning.
- Harmony: Following a period of exploration and reflection, individuals may reach a state of harmony. This represents a synthesis of different aspects of their personality and a sense of balance and fulfillment.
Our descriptions of personal growth are adapted from two of Brian McLaren’s works, Faith After Doubt and Do I Stay Christian.
Resources: Cultivating Calm in Chaos Strategies and Reflections
This week’s podcast describes the value of deep breathing exercises. Here is one that has proven to work for many people.
Box Breathing is a simple and effective technique to calm the mind and body during chaotic situations.
Here’s how it works:
- Inhale: Breathe in slowly and deeply through your nose, counting to four.
- Hold: Hold your breath for four counts.
- Exhale: Breathe out slowly and deeply through your nose, counting to four.
- Hold: Hold your breath for four counts.
Repeat this cycle for several minutes.
Benefits
- Reduces stress and anxiety: The rhythmic breathing pattern helps calm the nervous system.
- Improves focus: The technique can help you stay grounded and present.
- Promotes relaxation: Box breathing can induce a sense of calm and peace.
Tips
- Find a comfortable position: Sit or lie down in a relaxed posture.
- Focus on your breath: Pay attention to the sensations of your breath as it moves in and out of your body.
- Visualize a calming image: Imagine a peaceful scene to help you relax.
Resources: Communication Makeover 5 Mindshifts for Peaceful Conflict Resolution
Five Mindshifts for Peaceful Conflict Resolution
- Shift from blame to responsibility: Instead of focusing on who’s at fault, concentrate on your own role in the conflict. Take responsibility for your actions, thoughts, and feelings.
- Shift from judgment to curiosity: Rather than judging the other person or their behavior, approach the conflict with curiosity. Ask open-ended questions to understand their perspective and motivations.
- Shift from defensiveness to openness: Avoid becoming defensive when criticized or challenged. Instead, approach the situation with an open mind and a willingness to learn.
- Shift from power struggles to collaboration: Instead of trying to win or dominate the conflict, focus on finding mutually beneficial solutions. Work together with the other person to find common ground and reach a compromise.
- Shift from anger to empathy: Recognize and acknowledge your own anger, but don’t let it control your actions. Try to see the conflict from the other person’s perspective and empathize with their feelings.
Resources: An Introduction to Forest Therapy with Roberta Cassidy
Association of Nature and Forest Therapy Guides and Programs: https://anft.earth/
Resources: A Fathers Journey Navigating Life With Josiah
National Resources for Down Syndrome: https://ndss.org/
National Down Syndrome Congress: https://www.ndsccenter.org/
Resources: The Wheel of Life Finding Harmony and Fulfillment
For an excellent resource and model for assessing where you are on the Wheel of Life, visit Personal Excellence at https://personalexcellence.co/blog/life-wheel/.
Resources: Quieting Unwanted Opinions – Responding to Moralizers
Expressing an Opinion
- Objective: To share a personal belief or perspective.
- Tone: Typically neutral or respectful.
- Focus: On the individual’s point of view.
- Intent: To engage in dialogue or debate.
Moralizing
- Objective: To impose personal beliefs as absolute truths.
- Tone: Often judgmental or condescending.
- Focus: On the perceived “right” or “wrong” behavior.
- Intent: To persuade or coerce others to conform to a particular moral code.
Key Differences
- Openness: Expressing an opinion is often open to discussion and debate, while moralizing tends to be more rigid and inflexible.
- Respect: Expressing an opinion respects the viewpoints of others, while moralizing can be dismissive or disrespectful.
- Persuasion: Expressing an opinion aims to persuade through reason and evidence, while moralizing often relies on emotional appeals or threats.
Resources: Emotional Intelligence – Building Stronger, More Peaceful Connections
Emotional Intelligence (EQ) is the ability to understand and manage your own emotions, as well as the emotions of others. It plays a crucial role in our personal and professional lives.
The Four Pillars of EQ
| Pillar | Description |
| Self-awareness | Understanding your own emotions, strengths, and weaknesses. |
| Self-regulation | Managing your emotions effectively, controlling impulses, and adapting to change. |
| Social awareness | Recognizing and understanding the emotions of others, empathizing with them, and building strong relationships. |
| Relationship management | Using your emotional intelligence to effectively handle relationships, communicate clearly, and resolve conflicts. |
How EQ Impacts Lives
Emotional intelligence can have a significant impact on various aspects of our lives, including:
- Career success: EQ can help you build strong relationships, manage stress, and make effective decisions.
- Personal relationships: Understanding and managing your own emotions, as well as those of others, can lead to healthier and more fulfilling relationships.
- Mental health: EQ can help you cope with stress, anxiety, and depression.
- Leadership: Effective leaders often have high levels of emotional intelligence, as it enables them to motivate and inspire others.
By developing your emotional intelligence, you can improve your overall well-being and achieve greater success in all areas of your life.
Resources: Thin Places
Resources: Terry Clark and Art for Peace
